Freddy, go and find a cab.
Do you want me to catch pneumonia?
Don't just stand there, Freddy. Go and find a cab.
All right, l'll get one. l'll get it.
Look where you're goin', dear. Look where you're goin'!
l'm so sorry.
Two bunches o' violets trod in the mud. A full day's wages.
-Freddy, go and find a cab. -Yes, Mother.
Oh, he's your son, is he?
lf you'd done your duty by him as a mother should...
you wouldn't let 'im spoil a poor girl's flow'rs and then run away without payin'.
Oh, go about your business, my girl.
And you wouldn't go off without payin', either.
Two bunches o' violets trod in the mud.
Oh, sir, is there any sign of it stopping?
l'm afraid not. lt's worse than before.
lf it's worse, it's a sign it's nearly over.
Cheer up, Capt'n, buy a flow'r off a poor girl.
l'm sorry, l haven't any change.
l can change 'alf a crown. Here, take this for tuppence.
l told you, l'm awfully sorry. Wait a minute.
Oh, yes. Here's three hapence, if that's any use to you.
Thank you, sir.
Here, you be careful. Better give 'im a flower for it.
There's a bloke here behind that pillar...
takin' down every blessed word you're sayin'.
l ain't done nothin' wrong by speakin' to the gentleman.
l've a right t' sell flow'rs if l keep off the curb.
l'm a respectable girl, so help me.
l never spoke to him except to ask him to buy a flow'r off me.
-What's all the bloomin' noise? -There's a tec takin' her down.
l'm makin' an honest livin'.
Who's doing all that shouting?
Sir, don't let 'im charge me. You dunno what it means to me.
They'll take away me character and drive me on the streets...
for speakin' t' gentlemen.
There, there, there. Who's hurting you, you silly girl? What'd you take me for?
On my Bible oath, l never spoke a word.
Shut up! Shut up! Do l look like a policeman?
Then what'd ya take down me words for? 'Ow do l know you took me down right?
You just show me what you wrote ab'ut me.
That ain't proper writin'. l can't read it.
l can.
''l say, Capt'n, now buy a flow'r off a poor girl.''
Oh, it's cause l called him ''Capt'n.''
l meant no 'arm. Sir, don't let him lay a charge against me for a word like that.
l'll make no charge. Really, sir, if you are a detective...
you needn't begin protecting me against molestation from young women...
until l ask you.
Anyone could tell the girl meant no harm.
He ain't no tec. He's a gentleman. Look at his boots.
How are all your people down at Selsey?
Who told you my people come from Selsey?
Never mind, they do.
How do you come to be up so far east? You were born in Lisson Grove.
Oh, what 'arm is there in my leavin' Lisson Grove?
lt weren't fit for pigs to live. l had to pay four and six a week.
Live where you like but stop that noise!
Come, come, he can't touch you. You've a right to live where you please.
l'm a good girl, l am.
-Where do l come from? -Hawkestone.
Who said l didn't? Blimey, you know everything, you do.
You, sir, do you think you could find me a taxi?
Madam, it's stopped raining.
You can get a motorbus to Hampton Court.
That's where you live, isn't it?
What an impertinence!
Tell 'im where he comes from, if you wanta go fortune-telling.
Cheltenham, Harrow...
Cambridge and...
lndia?
Quite right.
Blimey, he ain't a tec, he's a bloomin' busybody.
Do you do this sort of thing for a living at a music hall?
l have thought of it. Perhaps l will one day.
He's no gentleman, he ain't, to interfere with a poor girl!
How do you do it, may l ask?
Simple phonetics. The science of speech. That's my profession. Also my hobby.
Anyone can spot an lrishman or a Yorkshireman by his brogue...
but l can place a man within six miles.
l can place 'im within two miles in London. Sometimes within two streets.
Ought to be ashamed of 'imself, unmanly coward.
-ls there a living in that? -Oh, yes.
Let him mind his own business and leave a poor girl alone.
Cease this detestable boohooing instantly...
or else seek the shelter of some other place of worship!
l have a right to be here if l like, same as you!
A woman who utters such disgusting and depressing noises...
has no right to be anywhere, no right to live.
Remember, you're a human being with a soul...
and the divine gift of articulate speech.
That your native language is the language of Shakespeare and...
Milton and the Bible. Don't sit there crooning like a bilious pigeon.
Look at her, a prisoner of the gutters
Condemned by ev'ry syllable she utters
By right she should be taken out an'hung
For the cold-blooded murder Of the English tongue
Heavens, what a sound!
This is what the British population
Calls an element'ry education
Come, sir, l think you've picked a poor example.
Did l?
Hear them down in Soho Square Dropping ''Hs '' everywhere
Speaking English any way they like
Hey, you, sir, did you go to school?
What ya tike me for, a fool?
No one taught him ''take''instead of ''tike''
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse Hear a Cornishman converse
l'd rather hear a choir singing flat
Chickens cackling in a barn Just like this one
Garn!
l ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
lt's ''aoow''and ''garn '' That keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face
Why can't the English Teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction By now should be antique
lf you spoke as she does, sir lnstead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
l beg your pardon.
An Englishman's way of speaking Absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks he makes Some other Englishman despise him
One common language l'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't the English learn to
Set a good example to people Whose English is painful to your ears
The Scotch and the lrish Leave you close to tears
There even are places Where English completely disappears
Why, in America They haven't used it for years!
Why can't the English Teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian The Greeks are taught their Greek
ln France every Frenchman Knows his language from ''A '' to ''Z''
The French don't care What they do actually
As long as they pronounce it properly
Arabians learn Arabian With the speed of summer lightning
The Hebrews learn it backwards Which is absolutely frightening
Use proper English You're regarded as a freak
Oh, why can't the English
Why can't the English learn to speak?
Thank you.
You see this creature with her curbstone English...
that'll keep her in the gutter till the end of her days?
Well, sir, in six months l could pass her off as a duchess at an Embassy Ball.
l could get her a job as a lady's maid or a shop assistant...
which requires better English.
'Ere, what's that you say?
Yes, you squashed cabbage leaf!
You disgrace to the noble architecture of these columns!
You incarnate insult to the English language!
l could pass you off as the Queen of Sheba.
You don't believe that, Capt'n?
Anything's possible. l, myself, am a student of lndian dialects.
Are you? Do you know Colonel Pickering, the author of Spoken Sanskrit?
l am Colonel Pickering. Who are you?
l'm Henry Higgins, author of Higgins' Universal Alphabet.
l came from lndia to meet you!
l was going to lndia to meet you!
-Where are you staying? -At the Carleton.
No, you're not. You're staying at 27 A Wimpole Street.
You come along with me. We'll have a little jaw over supper.
lndian dialects have always fascinated me.
Buy a flower, sir. l'm short for me lodgin'.
Liar!
You said you could change half a crown.
You ought to be stuffed with nails, you ought!
Here, take the whole bloomin' basket for a sixpence!
A reminder.
-How many are there actually? -How many what?
lndian dialects?
No fewer than 147 distinct languages are recorded as vernacular in lndia.
Shouldn't we stand up, gentlemen? We've got a bloomin' heiress in our midst.
Would you be lookin' for a good butler, Eliza?
Well, you won't do.
lt's rather dull in town l think l'll take me to Paris
The missus wants to open up The castle in Capri
Me doctor recommends A quiet summer by the sea
Wouldn't it be loverly?
Where are ya bound for this year, Eliza? Biarritz?
All l want is a room somewhere
Far away from the cold night air
With one enormous chair
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Lots of chocolate for me to eat
Lots of coal makin'lots of 'eat
Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Oh, so loverly sittin'
Absobloominlutely still
l would never budge till spring
Crept over the winder sill
Someone's 'ead restin' on my knee
Warm and tender as he can be
Who takes good care of me
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Loverly
All l want is a room somewhere
Far away from the cold night air
With one enormous chair
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Lots of chocolate for me to eat
Lots of coal makin'lots of 'eat
Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Oh, so loverly sittin'
Absobloominlutely still
l would never budge till spring
Crept over the winder sill
Someone's 'ead restin' on my knee
Warm and tender as he can be
Who takes good care of me
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Loverly
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Loverly
Wouldn't it be loverly?
Come on, Alfie, let's go 'ome now. This place is givin' me the willies.
Home? What do you want to go 'ome for?
lt's nearly five o'clock. My daughter Eliza'll be along soon.
She ought to be good for 'alf a crown for a father that loves 'er.
Loves 'er? That's a laugh. You ain't been near 'er for months.
What's that got to do with it? What's 'alf a crown after all l've give 'er?
When did you ever give 'er anythin'?
Anythin'? l give 'er everythin'.
l give 'er the greatest gift any human being can give to another:
Life!
l introduced 'er to this here planet, l did, with all its wonders and marvels.
The sun that shines, the moon that glows.
Hyde Park to walk through on a fine spring night.
The 'ole ruddy city o' London to roam around in sellin' 'er bloomin' flow'rs.
l give 'er all that.
Then l disappears and leaves 'er on 'er own to enjoy it.
lf that ain't worth 'alf a crown now and again...
l'll take my belt off and give 'er what for.
You got a good 'eart. But you want that 'alf a crown out o' Eliza...
you better have a good story.
Leave that to me, my boy.
-Good mornin', George. -Not a brass farthin'.
Not a brass farthin'.
There she is.
Why, Liza, what a surprise.
Hop along, Charlie, you're too old for me.
-Don't you know your daughter? -You don't know what she looks like.
l know 'er, l know 'er. Come on, l'll find 'er.
Eliza, what a surprise.
Not a brass farthin'.
Hey, you come 'ere, Eliza.
l ain't gonna take me 'ard-earned wages...
and let you pass 'em on to a bloody pubkeeper.
You wouldn't 'ave the 'eart to send me 'ome to your stepmother...
without a drop o' liquid protection, now would ya?
Stepmother, indeed!
Well, l'm willin' t' marry 'er. lt's me that suffers by it.
l'm a slave to that woman, Eliza.
Just because l ain't 'er lawful 'usband.
Aw, come on.
Slip your ol' dad just 'alf a crown to go 'ome on.
Well, l had a bit o' luck meself last night.
But don't keep comin' around countin' on 'alf crowns from me!
Thank you, Eliza. You're a noble daughter.
Beer, beer, glorious beer
Fill yourself right up
You see this creature with her curbstone English...
the English that will keep her in the gutter till the end of her days?
ln six months, l could pass her off as a duchess at an Embassy Ball.
l could even get her a job as a lady's maid or a shop assistant...
which requires better English.
You're a disgrace to the noble architecture of these columns!
l could even get her a job as a lady's maid or a shop assistant...
which requires better English.
How many vowel sounds did you hear altogether?
l believe l counted 24.
Wrong by a hundred. To be exact you heard 130.
Listen to them one at a time.
Must l? l'm really quite done up for one morning.
Your name, please?
Your name, Miss?
My name is of no concern to you whatsoever.
One moment, please.
London is gettin' so dirty these days.
l'm Mrs. Pearce, the housekeeper. Can l help you?
Oh, good morning, Missus. l'd like to see the professor, please.
Could you tell me what it's about?
lt's business of a personal nature.
One moment, please.
-Mr. Higgins? -What is it, Mrs. Pearce?
There's a young woman who wants to see you, sir.
A young woman?
What does she want?
She's quite a common girl, sir. Very common indeed.
l should've sent her away, only l thought perhaps...
you wanted her to talk into your machine.
-Has she an interesting accent? -Simply ghastly, Mr. Higgins.
Good. Let's have her in. Show her in, Mrs. Pearce.
You know, this is rather a bit of luck. l'll show you how l make records.
We'll set her talking and then l'll take her down first in Bell's Visible Speech...
then in broad Romic, and then we'll get her on the phonograph...
so you can turn her on when you want with the written transcript before you.
This is the young woman, sir.
Good mornin', my good man.
Might l 'ave the pleasure of a word with you?
Oh, no. This is the girl l jotted down last night.
She's no use. l've got the records l want of the Lisson Grove lingo.
l'm not gonna waste another cylinder on that.
Now be off with you. l don't want you.
Don't be so saucy. You ain't 'eard what l come for yet.
Did you tell 'im l come in a taxi?
Nonsense, girl. What do you think a gentleman like Mr. Higgins cares...
what you came in?
Oh, we are proud.
Well, 'e ain't above givin' lessons, not 'im. l 'eard 'im say so.
l ain't come here t' ask for any compliment...
and if my money's not good enough, l can go elsewhere.
Good enough for what?
Good enough for you.
Now you know, don'tcha? l'm come to 'ave lessons, l am.
And to pay for 'em, too, make no mistake.
Well!
And what do you expect me to say?
Well, if you was a gentleman, you might ask me to sit down, l think.
Don't l tell you l'm bringin' you business?
Should we ask this baggage to sit down...
or shall we just throw her out of the window?
l won't be called a baggage. Not when l've offered to pay like any lady.
What do you want, my girl?
l want to be a lady in a flow'r shop...
'stead of sellin' at the corner of Tottenham Court Road.
But they won't take me unless l can talk more genteel.
'E said 'e could teach me.
Well, 'ere l am ready to pay 'im.
Not asking any favor and he treats me as if l was dirt.
l know what lessons cost as well as you do, and l'm ready t' pay.
How much?
Now you're talkin'.
l thought you'd come off it for a chance o' gettin' back a bit...
of what you chucked at me last night.
You'd had a drop in, 'adn't you, eh?
Sit down.
-lf you're goin' t' make a compliment of it-- -Sit down!
Sit down, girl. Do as you're told.
What's your name?
Eliza Doolittle.
Won't you sit down, Miss Doolittle?
l don't mind if l do.
How much do you propose to pay me for these lessons?
Oh, l know what's right.
A lady friend of mine gets French lessons for 18 pence an hour...
from a real French gentleman.
You wouldn't have the face t' ask me the same...
for teachin' me my own language as you would for French.
So, l won't give more than a shillin'. Take it or leave it.
Do you know, Pickering, if you think of a shilling...
not as a simple shilling, but as a percentage of this girl's income...
it works out as fully equivalent of...
60 or 70 pounds from a millionaire.
By George, it's enormous. lt's the biggest offer l ever had.
Sixty pounds? What are you talkin' about? Where would l get 60 pounds?
l never offered you 60 pounds!
But l ain't got 60 pounds!
Don't cry, you silly girl. Sit down. Nobody's going to touch your money.
Somebody'll touch you with a broomstick if you don't stop sniveling.
Sit down!
Anybody'd think you was my father!
lf l decide to teach you, l'll be worse than two fathers to you.
Here.
What's this for?
To wipe your eyes. To wipe any part of your face that feels moist.
Remember, that's your handkerchief and that's your sleeve.
Don't confuse the one with the other if you want to become a lady in a shop.
lt's no use to talk to her like that, Mr. Higgins. She doesn't understand you.
'Ere! Give the 'ankerchief to me. He give it to me, not to you!
Higgins, l'm interested.
What about your boast...
that you could pass her off as a duchess at the Embassy Ball?
l'll say you're the greatest teacher alive if you do that.
l'll bet you all the expenses of the experiment that you can't do it.
l'll even pay for the lessons.
Aw, you're real good. Thank ye, Capt'n.
lt's almost irresistible.
She's so deliciously low.
So horribly dirty.
l ain't dirty! l washed my face an' hands before l come, l did.
l'll take it. l'll make a duchess of this draggle-tailed guttersnipe.
We'll start today. This moment. Take her away, Mrs. Pearce, and clean her.
Sandpaper, if it won't come off any other way. ls there a fire in the kitchen?
Take all her clothes off and burn them and order some new ones.
Just wrap her in brown paper till they come.
You're no gentleman, you're not, to talk o' such things.
l'm a good girl, l am.
And l know what the likes of you are, l do.
We want none of your slum prudery here, young woman.
You've got to learn to behave like a duchess.
Take 'er away, Mrs. Pearce, an' if she gives you any trouble wallop 'er.
l'll call the police, l will.
l've got no place to put her.
Well, put her in the dustbin.
Come, Higgins, be reasonable.
You must be reasonable, Mr. Higgins, really you must.
You can't walk over everybody like this.
l?
Walk over everybody?
My dear Mrs. Pearce, my dear Pickering, l had no intention of walking over anyone.
l merely suggested we should be kind to this poor girl.
l didn't express myself clearly because l didn't wish to hurt her delicacy...
or yours.
But, sir, you can't take a girl up like that...
as if you were picking up a pebble on the beach.
Why not?
Why not? But you don't know anything about her.
What about her parents? She may be married.
Garn!
There. As the girl very properly says, garn!
Who'd marry me?
By George, Eliza...
the streets will be strewn with the bodies of men...
shooting themselves for your sake before l've done with you.
'Ere.
l'm goin'.
He's off his chump, he is. l don't want no balmies teachin' me.
Mad, am l? All right, Mrs. Pearce, don't order those new clothes.
-Throw her out. -Stop, Mr. Higgins! l won't allow it.
Go home to your parents, girl.
l ain't got no parents.
She ain't got no parents. What's the fuss about?
Nobody wants her. She's no use to anybody but me. Take her upstairs!
What's to become of her? ls she to be paid anything?
Oh, do be sensible, sir.
What would she do with money? She'll have food and clothes.
She'll only drink if you give her money.
You are a brute! lt's a lie!
Nobody ever saw the sign o' liquor on me.
Sir, you're a gentleman. Don't let 'im speak to me like that!
Does it occur to you, Higgins, the girl has some feelings?
No, l don't think so. No feelings we need worry about.
Well, have you, Eliza?
l got me feelings same as anyone else.
Mr. Higgins, l must know on what terms the girl is to be here.
What's to become of her when you've finished your teaching?
You must look ahead a little, sir.
What's to become of her if we leave her in the gutter, Mrs. Pearce?
That's her own business, not yours, Mr. Higgins.
When l'm done we'll throw her back.
Then it'll be her own business again. That'll be all right, won't it?
You've no feelin' 'eart in ya !
You don't care for nothin' but yourself.
l've 'ad enough of this. l'm goin', l am !
You ought to be ashamed of yourself!
Have some chocolates, Eliza.
'Ow do l know what might be in 'em?
l've 'eard of girls bein' drugged by the likes o' you.
Pledge of good faith.
l'll take one half.
And you take the other.
You'll have boxes of them, barrels of them every day.
You'll live on them, eh?
l wouldn't 've ate it, only l'm too laidylike to take it out o' me mouth.
Think of it, Eliza. Think of chocolates, and taxis...
and gold and diamonds.
l don't want no gold and no diamonds. l'm a good girl, l am.
Higgins, l really must interfere. Mrs. Pearce is quite right.
lf this girl's going to put herself in your hands for six months...
for an experiment in teaching, she must understand thoroughly what she's doing.
You are to stay here for the next six months...
learning how to speak beautifully like a lady in a florist shop.
lf you're good and do what you're told, you shall sleep in a proper bedroom...
have lots to eat, money to buy chocolates and take rides in taxis.
But if you are naughty and idle...
you shall sleep in the kitchen amongst the black beetles...
and be walloped by Mrs. Pearce with a broomstick.
At the end of six months, you shall be taken to Buckingham Palace...
in a carriage, beautifully dressed.
lf the King finds out that you are not a lady...
the police will take you to the Tower of London where your head will be cut off...
as a warning to other presumptuous flower girls.
But if you are not found out you shall have a present of...
seven and six to start life with as a lady in a shop.
lf you refuse this offer...
you will be the most ungrateful, wicked girl...
and the angels will weep for you!
Now are you satisfied, Pickering?
l don't understand what you are talking about.
Could l put it more plainly or fairly, Mrs. Pearce?
Come with me.
That's right. Bundle her off to the bathroom.
You're a great bully, you are!
l won't stay here if l don't like it. l won't let nobody wallop me!
Don't answer back, girl.
l've always been a good girl, l 'ave.
ln six months-- ln three, if she has a good ear and a quick tongue...
l'll take her anywhere and l'll pass her off as anything.
l'll make a queen of that barbarous wretch!
l've never had a bath in me life. Not what you'd call a proper one.
You know you can't be a nice girl inside if you're dirty outside.
l'll have to put you in here. This will be your bedroom.
Oh, l couldn't sleep in here, Missus.
lt's too good for the likes o' me.
l should be afraid to touch anythin'.
l ain't a duchess yet, you know.
What's this? This where you wash clothes?
This is where we wash ourselves, Eliza. And where l'm going to wash you.
You expect me to get into that and wet meself all over?
Not me!
l shall catch me death.
Come along now.
Come along.
Take your clothes off.
Come on, girl, do as you're told. Take your clothes off.
Here, come on. Help me take these....
Take your hands off me!
l'm a good girl, l am !
lt ain't right! lt ain't decent!
Get your hands off me!
l'm a good girl, l am!
Forgive the bluntness, but if l'm to be in this business...
l shall feel responsible for the girl.
l hope it's clearly understood that no advantage is to be taken of her position.
What, that thing? Sacred, l assure you.
Come now, you know what l mean. This is no trifling matter.
Are you a man of good character where women are concerned?
Have you ever met a man of good character where women are concerned?
Yes, very frequently.
l haven't. l find that the moment l let a woman make friends with me...
she becomes jealous, exacting...
suspicious and a damned nuisance.
l find the moment that l make friends with a woman l become selfish and tyrannical.
So here l am, a confirmed old bachelor and likely to remain so.
Well, after all, Pickering--
l'm an ordinary man
Who desires nothing more
Than just an ordinary chance
To live exactly as he likes
And do precisely what he wants
An average man am l
Of no eccentric whim
Who likes to live his life
Free of strife
Doing whatever he thinks is best for him
Oh, just an ordinary man
But let a woman in your life
And your serenity is through
She'll redecorate your home From the cellar to the dome
Then go on to the enthralling fun Of overhauling you!
Let a woman in your life
And you are up against a wall
Make a plan and you will find She has something else in mind
And so rather than do either You do something else that neither
Likes at all!
You want to talk of Keats or Milton
She only wants to talk of love
You go to see a play or ballet
And spend it searching for her glove
Let a woman in your life
And you invite eternal strife
Let them buy their wedding bands
For those anxious little hands
l'd be equally as willing For a dentist to be drilling
Than to ever let a woman in my life!
l'm a very gentle man
Even-tempered and good-natured Whom you never hear complain
Who has the milk of human kindness By the quart in every vein
A patient man am l Down to my fingertips
The sort who never could Ever would
Let an insulting remark Escape his lips
A very gentle man
But let a woman in your life
And patience hasn't got a chance
She will beg you for advice Your reply will be concise
And she'll listen very nicely
Then go out and do precisely What she wants!
You were a man of grace and polish
Who never spoke above a hush
Now all at once you're using language
That would make a sailor blush
Let a woman in your life
And you're plunging in a knife!
Let the others of my sex
Tie the knot around their necks
l'd prefer a new edition Of the Spanish lnquisition
Than to ever let a woman in my life
l'm a quiet-living man
Who prefers to spend the evenings
ln the silence of his room
Who likes an atmosphere as restful
As an undiscovered tomb
A pensive man am l Of philosophic joys
Who likes to meditate, contemplate
Free from humanity's mad, inhuman noise
A quiet-living man
But let a woman in your life
And your sabbatical is through
ln a line that never ends Come an army of her friends
Come to jabber and to chatter And to tell her
What the matter is with you!
She'll have a booming, boisterous family
Who will descend on you en masse
She'll have a large, Wagnerian mother
With a voice that shatters glass!
Let a woman in your life
l shall never let a woman
in my life!
Get out of 'ere. Jamie, you get out, too!
Come on, Doolittle. And remember, drinks is to be paid for or not drunk.
Thanks for your 'ospitality, George.
Send the bill to Buckingham Palace.
Well, Alfie, there's nothin' else to do. l guess it's back to work.
Work! Don't you dare mention that word in my presence again.
Look at all these poor blighters down here.
l used to do that sort of thing once. Just for exercise.
lt's not worth it. Takes up your whole day.
Don't worry, boys. We'll get outta this somehow.
How do you think you're going to do that?
How? Same as always.
Faith, hope and a little bit o' luck.
The Lord above gave man An arm of iron
So he could do his job And never shirk
The Lord above gave man An arm of iron, but
With a little bit o'luck With a little bit o'luck
Someone else'll do the blinkin' work!
With a little bit
With a little bit o'luck You'll never work
The Lord above made liquor For temptation
To see if man Could turn away from sin
The Lord above made liquor For temptation, but
With a little bit o'luck With a little bit o'luck
When temptation comes You'll give right in
With a little bit
With a little bit o'luck You'll give right in
Oh, you can walk The straight and narrow
But with a little bit o'luck You'll run amuck!
The gentle sex was made For man to marry
To share his nest And see his food is cooked
The gentle sex was made For man to marry, but
With a little bit o'luck With a little bit o'luck
You can have it all And not get hooked
With a little bit
With a little bit o'luck You won't get hooked
With a little bit
With a little bit o'bloomin'luck!
They're always throwing Goodness at you
But with a little bit o'luck A man can duck
The Lord above made man To 'elp his neighbor
No matter where On land, or sea, or foam
The Lord above made man To 'elp his neighbor, but
With a little bit o'luck With a little bit o'luck
When he comes around You won't be home
You'd make a good suffragette, Alfie.
Why, there's the lucky man now.
The Honorable Alfie Doolittle.
What are you doing in Eliza's house?
Her former residence!
You can buy your own drinks now, Alfie Doolittle.
Fallen into a tub of butter, you have.
What are you talkin' about?
Your daughter, Eliza.
You're a lucky man, Alfie Doolittle.
What about Eliza?
He don't know. Her own father an' he don't know.
Moved in with a swell, Eliza has.
Left here in a taxi all by herself, smart as paint.
An' ain't been home for three days.
Go on.
And this mornin' l gets a message from 'er.
She wants her things sent over...
to 27 A Wimpole Street...
care of Professor 'lggins.
An' what things does she want?
Her birdcage and her Chinese fan.
But she says:
''Never mind about sending any clothes.''
l knew she had a career in front of 'er.
Laddie boy, we're in for a booze-up.
The sun is shining on Alfred P. Doolittle.
A man was made To 'elp support his children
Which is the right And proper thing to do
A man was made To 'elp support his children, but
With a little bit o'luck With a little bit o'luck
They'll go out And start supportin' you
With a little bit
With a little bit o'luck They'll work for you
With a little bit
With a little bit o'bloomin'luck!
Oh, it's a crime for a man To go philanderin'
And fill his wife's poor 'eart With grief and doubt
Oh, it's a crime for a man To go philanderin', but
With a little bit o'luck With a little bit o'luck
You can see the bloodhounds Don't find out!
With a little bit
With a little bit o'luck She won't find out!
With a little bit o'bloomin'luck!
The mail, sir.
Pay the bills and say no to the invitations.
You simply cannot go on working the girl this way.
Making her say her alphabet over and over...
from sunup to sundown, even during meals.
You'll exhaust yourself. When will it stop?
When she does it properly, of course. ls that all, Mrs. Pearce?
There's another letter from that American millionaire, Ezra D. Wallingford.
He still wants you for his Moral Reform League.
Throw it away.
lt's the third letter he's written you, sir. You should at least answer it.
All right, leave it on the desk, Mrs. Pearce. l'll try an' get to it.
lf you please, sir. There's a dustman downstairs, Alfred P. Doolittle...
who wants to see you. He says you have his daughter here.
Phew! l say!
Well, send the blackguard up.
He may not be a blackguard, Higgins.
Oh, nonsense. O' course he's a blackguard, Pickering.
l'm afraid we'll have some trouble with him.
No, l think not. Any trouble to be had, he'll have it with me. Not l with him.
Doolittle, sir.
-Professor 'lggins? -Here!
Where?
Good morning, Governor.
l come about a very serious matter, Governor.
Brought up in Houndslow.
Mother Welsh, l should think.
What is it you want, Doolittle?
l want my daughter, that's what l want. See?
Of course you do. You're her father, aren't you?
l'm glad to see you have a spark of family feeling left.
She's in there. Yes, take her away at once.
What?
Take her away. Do you think l am going to keep your daughter for you?
Now, is this reasonable, Governor?
ls it fairity to take advantage of a man like that?
The girl belongs to me. You got 'er. Where do l come in?
How dare you come here and attempt to blackmail me!
You sent her here on purpose!
Don't take a man up like that, Governor.
The police shall take you up. This is a plan...
a plot to extort money by threats.
l shall telephone the police.
Have l asked you for a brass farthin'?
l leave it to this gentleman 'ere. Have l said a word about money?
Well, what else did you come for?
What would a bloke come for?
Be 'uman, Governor.
Alfred, you sent her here on purpose.
So help me, Governor, l never did.
Then how did you know she was here?
l'd tell you, Governor, if you'd only let me get a word in.
l'm willing to tell ya. l'm wanting to tell ya.
l'm waiting to tell ya !
You know, Pickering, this chap's got a certain natural gift of rhetoric.
Observe the rhythm of his native woodnotes wild.
''l'm willing to tell you. l'm wanting to tell you. l'm waiting to tell you.''
That's the Welsh strain in 'im.
How did you know Eliza was here if you didn't send 'er?
Well, she sent back for her luggage and l got to 'ear about it.
She said she didn't want no clothes.
What was l to think from that, Governor? l ask you, as a parent, what was l to think?
So you came here to rescue her from worse than death, eh?
-Yes, sir, Governor. That's right. -Yes.
Mrs. Pearce!
Eliza's father has come to take her away. Give her to him, will you?
Now wait a minute, Governor. Wait a minute.
You and me is men o' the world, ain't we?
Men of the world, are we? Perhaps you'd better go, Mrs. Pearce.
l think so indeed, sir!
Here, Governor.
l've took a sort of a fancy to you and...
if you want the girl, l ain't so set on 'avin' her back home again...
but what l might be open to is an arrangement.
All l ask is my rights as a father.
You're the last man alive to expect me to let her go for nothing.
l can see you're o' the straight sort, Governor.
So...
what's a five pound note to you? An' what's Eliza to me?
l think you ought to know, Doolittle...
that Mr. Higgins' intentions are entirely honorable.
Of course they are, Governor. lf l thought they wasn't, l'd ask 50.
Do you mean to say you'd sell your daughter for 50 pounds?
Have you no morals, man?
No, l can't afford 'em, Governor. Neither could you if you was as poor as me.
Not that l mean any 'arm, mind ya, but...
if Eliza is gonna have a bit out o' this, why not me, too?
Why not?
Well, look....
Look at it my way. What am l?
l ask ya, what am l? l'm one o' the undeserving poor, that's what l am.
Now think what that means to a man.
lt means he's up against middle-class morality for all the time.
lf there's anything goin' an' l puts in for a bit of it, it's always the same story:
''You're undeservin', so you can't have it.''
But my needs is as great as the most deservin' widows that ever got money...
out of six different charities in one week for the death o' the same 'usband.
l don't need less than a deservin' man, l need more.
l don't eat less 'earty than he does and l drink...
a lot more.
l'm playin' straight with you.
l ain't pretendin' to be deservin'. No, l'm undeservin'...